Parenting in the Internet Age

By Molly McVoy, M.D.

Facebook, blogging, Twitter, email, texting. How is a parent supposed to keep up with all of the technology available to children and teens in today’s world? Many parents and children struggle with safety on the Internet. Although there are no easy answers, some simple steps can help keep you and your child safe.

First, and most important: all of the things that make a good parent in everyday life also make a good parent on the Internet. Spend time with your child in their daily life and spend time with them learning about what they do online. Educate yourself on your child’s school and social life. In the same way, educate yourself about the websites they visit and who they are talking to online.

In addition, keep their access to technology limited and in public settings. Put the computer in the kitchen or the living room – in other words, in a place where secrecy is difficult and monitoring is easy. Online time should only come after homework and other activities are done for the day. Also, talk about what they are doing online, but do not invade their privacy by reading emails unless absolutely necessary. If you suspect dangerous things are happening by or to your child online, then invading their privacy may be necessary. Otherwise, encourage open communication and respect their privacy.

For more information:

http://www.webwisekids.org/

http://www.kids.gov/6_8/6_8_computers_internet.shtml

http://www.attorneygeneral.gov/uploadedFiles/Consumers/cybersafety.pdf

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Posted in: children,internet safety,Molly McVoy MD,parenting,teens

A Parent’s Guide To Social Networking

By Adair Parr, M.D.

If you are like most parents, your teenager knows more about social networking than you do. According to a Pew Internet Project study, nearly three-quarters of teens online use social networking sites. What’s more, many teenagers now access social networking through cell phones, further increasing their online presence. The phenomenal rise of Facebook is documented in the movie, The Social Network, which was number one at the box office this past weekend.

Are your teenagers on Facebook? Are you wondering where to draw the line? Many parents feel overwhelmed by understanding media and technology and feel that they will never catch up to their kids. While you may not text as fast as they do, making an effort to learn about social networking is important. Teens are designed to experiment with risky behavior and social networking is one area in which they may try such behaviors. By educating yourself on the topic, you will be better prepared as a parent to help your child to use media and social networking responsibly.

What can you do to help ensure your teen’s responsible use of social networking?

1. Talk to your kids about the media in their life. Ask your teen how social networking changes lives.


2. Keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Know who they are communicating with online.


3. Remind your teenager to limit the amount of personal information online.


4. Remember that everything your teenager posts is public information. Once it is posted, it is online forever.


5. Educate your teenager about cyberbullying and what to do if he or she is a victim of cyberbullying.


6. Model responsible media use behavior for your teenager.

The Healthy Minds website has additional information about mental health for college-age students and children. Check out these resources to help parents navigate the murky waters of social media:

• Common Sense Media


• Be Net Savvy


• Net Lingo


• Facebook Safety


• Frontline, KidsOnline 

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Posted in: Adair Parr MD,children,college,internet safety,parenting

Teach Teens and (Yourself!) how to W.A.I.T

By Tristan Gorrindo, M.D.





By now, over 80 percent of teens have an account with Facebook, Twitter, or some other social networking site. A common feature on almost all of these sites is the ability to share with your friends whatever is on your mind. Commonly these posts appear on a “wall” or other profile page for everyone to see.





Postings come in several versions: short bits of text, pictures, movies, and links to other websites. And the content of these posts can range from mundane observations about the weather, to the exuberant joy of being accepted to a highly desirable college, and everything in between. With the average teen having hundreds of “friends” on Facebook every post is fairly public event.





Teenagers are often defined by their impulsivity and their limited appreciation of long-term consequences. As a child psychiatrist, I see how poorly thought through social network posts can have real-life consequences. For example, a teen facebooking, “I’m so mad at Jessica, I could kill her,” might result in suspension from school. Even posts about, “getting wasted last night,” can have consequences for participation in school athletics or college recruitment if adults stumble across them.





In my work with teens, I try to get them in the habit slowing down the entire process of posting, with the hope that they’ll think before they post. One such tool I’ve created is the mnemonic W.A.I.T.





W. Wide-audience





“W” asks the question: Would I say this in front of a school assembly? If a teenage boy, for example, has 800 friends on Facebook, it is then helpful for have him visualize standing in from of 800 peers at an assembly school assembly reading his Facebook posting aloud. Still sound like a good idea?





A. Affect





“A” asks the question: Am I in a good emotional place right now? Drawing from the basic notion that thoughts and feelings are connected, here teens learn to think about the ways in which their mood might be affecting what they are about to say.





I. Intent





“I” asks the questions: Might my intent be misunderstood? The teen tries some perspective-taking to determine if his or her comment might be misunderstood.





T. Today





…tomorrow, or the next day? “T” asks the question: Can this wait a day? In an effort to slow the emotional drive that pushes teens to post to the Internet, this intervention asks teens to evaluate the urgency of what they are about to say. Why is it so urgent? What will happen if I wait?





I recognize that it’s unrealistic to expect that teens will W.A.I.T. every time they want to share something on a social media site, but I ask the teens I work with to write it on a post-it and stick it on their computer with the hope that it’ll slow them down. Using this technique, teens learn a structured way of evaluating whether or not something belongs on the Internet. It also provides clinicians and parents with a structured conversation tool to engage teens in discussions about what they are posting online.





Happy posting.

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Posted in: internet safety,teens,Tristan Gorrindo MD

Cyberbullying: How do you Protect Children from Online Bullies?

By Roberto Blanco, M.D.

With the proliferation of cellular phones and social networking sites, bullying as we once knew it has been changed forever. Gone are the days where the classic nickname pasted on the back or intimidation on the playground were the main forms of peer-to-peer humiliation. Cellular phones with texting and Internet capabilities have allowed adolescents to bully and intimidate their peers at all hours of the day and night. In fact, this type of bullying can begin as early as elementary school.

The meaning and value of friendships and relationships has also been changed. If adolescence wasn´t bad enough, gossip, secrets, and fallouts from former relationships are being broadcast online for all to see. In addition, several high-profile teen suicides have highlighted the importance of educating children about how to protect themselves from cyberbullying and the vicissitudes of the social networking world.

An article in The New York Times identified some of the challenges surrounding cyberbullying, including the roles and responsibilities of children, parents, the schools, and the legal system. The article raises more questions than it provides answers. It makes it clear, however, that children need to be educated about how to prevent cyberbullying, what to do if they are being bullied, and how to use digital media responsibly. Here are some ideas for you and your child to prevent or manage cyberbullying:

• Talk to your children about cyberbullying as they are getting a cell phone or a social networking account. Explain the warning signs of cyberbullying for themselves and towards others. They should have had a firm lesson in the golden rule and how they should be treated and treat others.

• Discuss with your children how to protect themselves from cyberbullying. They should only “friend” actual friends and not just acquaintances on social networking sites. They should not post or send via cell phone anything that they would not want everyone to see. ´Sexting´or the sending of nude photos is strictly prohibited and talk to them about the possible consequences of this type of behavior. Let them know that any photos posted on the Internet, stay on the Internet.

• Monitor your child´s behavior on cell phones and online through frequent conversations. If you think that they may be in danger, you may need to increase the amount of monitoring by getting account passwords or using random cell phone checks.

• Discuss who they can talk to if they are being bullied – parents, a trusted teacher, counselor, or a responsible friend. Adolescents are often wary of talking to parents about this for fear of overreaction, so give them other good options.

• If bullying continues to be a problem, problem-solve with your child. Consider talking to the bullies' parents, school administrators, or if severe enough, to the legal system or law enforcement. Consider changing cell phone numbers or closing accounts.

• If your child is doing the bullying or using the cell phone or social networking account inappropriately after re-direction, consider taking away the cell phone or closing social networking accounts. While there are many positives to this type of technology, remember that it is a privilege and not a right.

For more information, check out the National Crime Prevention Council and http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/. Read more about bullying on HealthyMinds.org. 

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Posted in: bullying,cell phones,children,cyberbully,internet safety,parenting,Roberto Blanco MD,suicide prevention

Cybersafety for Kids Online and What to Do When You Child Says "I want a spacebook account"

By Roberto A. Blanco, M.D.



I was in a kindergarten class the other day on an in-school child evaluation when I overheard a little girl talking with a friend. She was explaining how her brother and mother played on "Spacebook" all of the time and that she wanted one too. Her friend nodded enthusiastically in agreement. I thought to myself that only in the 21st century would 5 year-olds be having such a conversation.



Currently, more than 8 out of 10 adolescents/young adults have an active social networking account such as Facebook, MySpace or Twitter. But what is the right age or developmental level for a child to have a social networking account? Most people would probably agree that children shouldn't have these types of accounts until they are teens. But, should all teens who want an account be allowed?



A recent study on social media use by teens conducted by University of Virginia Psychologists showed that the psychological health and social adaptation of teens dictated whether they used social media sites appropriately. The study showed that well-adapted youths use social media to enhance their existing positive relationships. On the other hand, those who were poorly adapted, evidenced by behavioral problems or difficulty making friends, used social media sites in more inappropriate ways or not at all. They were more likely to post nude photos, use excessive profanity, or show more overt aggression or hostility in their postings.



Safety issues are still a large concern when it comes to the internet. As parents, it is important that your child use the internet appropriately for his or her own physical and psychological safety. Posting the wrong things or giving out sensitive information on-line could lead to significant consequences. Here are some things that you can do to make sure that your child uses the internet and social networking sites appropriately:



Introduce your child to the internet. Like any other topic (e.g. the "birds and the bees talk"/sexual education, handling bullying, etc.) you, as the parent, want to be doing the educating. You should be setting the stage for your child’s relationship with the internet.



Explain that on the internet, even though your child may be in a room alone, that he or she is not necessarily free from harm. Remind him or her that people can sometimes find their location, identity, and information stored on computers and to be careful with what information they share.



Make time to explore the internet together. Visit sites that are specifically designed for children or that are associated with your child’s particular interests.



Monitor your child's access to the internet from time to time. You may also want to install parental internet guards or filters that won't allow kids to unknowingly go to inappropriate or dangerous Web sites.



Limit the amount of time that a child can be on the internet on a nightly basis. Spending too much time on-line can lead to symptoms of depression, social isolation, and obesity. If your children are spending time on the internet also make sure that they are getting adequate exercise and completing their homework, responsibilities, and chores.



If your teenager wants a social networking account, assess whether he or she is ready for one. Is your child old enough or mature enough to use a social networking site appropriately? As the University of Virginia study described, behavior in face-to-face interactions is a good indicator of behavior on social networking sites.



After assessing if they are ready, have an open conversation about the privileges and consequences regarding behaviors on social networking sites. Clearly lay out expectations and what would be deemed appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.



Monitor how your child is using social networking through intermittent conversations and open communication. If your child is exhibiting impulsive or out-of-control behavior, consider closing accounts or only allow them if they are closely supervised (such as having their login information or being "friends" with them on-line).



Taking these steps can help ensure that your child will have a fulfilling and safe internet experience. For more information on how to discuss internet safety with your children go to the National Crime Prevention Council and School District 129.

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Posted in: children,internet safety,Roberto Blanco MD,teens